Entry: coping..:) Friday, September 29, 2006



well, it's been almost 3 days since her passing. and i have come to terms with it. am no longer in shock. it is strange not to have her around. everywhere i look, it reminds me of her. she is everywhere. where i am, there she will be next to me. sitting on the couch in fron of the tv..in bed doing my beading or surfing, or when i am cooking in the kitchen. but what i miss the most is when i come home from be it work, store or anywhere, she'd be the first one to greet me.

last night when i got home, i went to the kitchen. i saw thing and the first thing that came out of my mouth was ' hey hobbes'...my ritual greeting for her. i called thing hobbes..*sigh*...anyway, i bought some plants today and planted it on her grave. i bought, a peach astilbe, a pink coralbells, a japanese something ot other and a fern. insyallah, these plants will grow well. these are the plants that thrive in shady areas.

i guess, i was too shocked to tell what happened after all is said and done. when we went to pick hobbes body up, they put her in a bag and then put it in a box. sarah was with us. sarina was in school. sarah saw the box and she was giggling happily. she thought that it was funny for hobbes to be in the box. then when we reached home, i told doc to take her in while i go and bury her. after that, i went into the house and the first thing sarah asked me was where's hobbes. told her that hobbes is not coming in and she is no more. she is dead...sarah started to bawl. she told me that she wanted hobbes and had to pacify her...her with her crying and me with mine.

anyway, a little later one of my friends called me up. trying to catch up with stuff since she had been gone a few days. told her about hobbes and well, by then, my morbid sense of humour had returned. like how i always deal with sadness, i turned it into jokes...yep..just like how i dealt with my parents demise. she asked me if i wwould tell sarina...thinking that it might be hard for her. i honestly thought that it would not matter to sarina. i mean she doesn't seem to care much for hobbes. her favourite being thing. it is her cat after all. anyway, i told carrie that i would not tell her and would just let her think that hobbes is still at the vet and all that. but i changed my mind that evening. i figured she has the right to know too and also i wanted to see what her reaction would be.

what i saw on her face was something so touching and indescribable. well, maybe i can describe it a bit :) after telling her that hobbes is gone..her first reaction..was almost a smile..but it stopped short after my words had sunk in..in an instant, her mouth formed ths big O and her hands went to her mouth..her eyes got huge and she started wailing.. she kept saying she wanted ' hobbey' back...had to hug her and pacify her a bit. had to remind her of what happened to atok and nenek. then she got all paranoid and asked me if thing would die soon too..told her that i do not know and hopefully, these two cats would last a little bit longer.

it never crossed my mind that her reaction would be as such. i mean, what was i thinking? she practically grew up with them since she was a baby. i had mr.b and hobbes about a few weeks before i gave birth to sarina. she would be in her bouncy and the 2 cats would be playing around her. she invaded their territory..accidently ate their food and all that. to think that i thought, she would not care about what happened to them. sheeesh!.anyway, thank you all for the kind words. i really apreciate it. just be prepared that for the next few entries..i could be still talking about hobbes :)

here's a picture of sarah with her short hair. i told her to smile but for some reason she thought that i told her to show me what's in her mouth :) a picture of nasi tomato from sri nyer blog , a picture of the blueberry scone and also the new colour of our stairs landing and the hallway.

   10 comments

bunkerangs
October 9, 2006   05:57 PM PDT
 
hartini..so sorry for your loss . i always tell myself..takperlah..Allah lebih sayang kan they all that is why He takes them home. anyway, nantikan..lepas puasa..you kena try make those scones. it is so easy and it is delish :)

hello mas...my persiapan raya..hehehe..cam everyday nyer stuff jugak :) nothing spesel. yang cat rumah ni pun kira sambung balik the project yang terbengkalai tahun lepas..hehe..how about you?
MAS
October 9, 2006   09:49 AM PDT
 
What live will always die.... Sedih rasanya... Hope that they are coping well!!!! The rice looks delicious, scones looks delicious landing looks great... How's your persiapan Raya over there?
hartini
October 9, 2006   02:55 AM PDT
 
*sniiffff* so the sedih. I just went thru a loss, so I can feel your pain. I think it's worse when the one you lose is someone you see every day, the one you care so much... I hope by the time you read this, you're a lot stronger... Will Hobbes be in your memory forever and may he rest in peace.

Your scones look sooooo yummy!!!! Makes me want to make it... but u know bulan puasa ada malas sikit lah... been eating out almost every day since two weekends ago. Tonite iftar kat luar lagi coz we want to go buy chicken for the satay... nak prepare siang2 so tak kelam kabut nanti. Hope your Ramadan is going well.
bunkerangs
October 3, 2006   06:45 PM PDT
 
ann..yeah..the scone is easy :0 recipe was in the previos entry before hobbes.yeah..my daughter can be cute but she can be a pain too :) but wouldn't have her any other way.

kak za..nanti eh..i lom habis cat lah. i baru habis ni lah..hall way, my bedroom and the bathroom. my bedroom is a shade lighter than the hallway but the trim is white. kak za..pakai jer frozen blueberries..i ni pun pakai the ones that i froze last year :)

mona..yeah i remember tun and dayang. panjang umur tun eh :) ni lah..i think i need to get another one exactly like her in terms of appearence to ease the pain.
Poisonpen
October 2, 2006   12:20 AM PDT
 
Alo....lagi2 i tertinggal train...sori to hear abt hobbes. Baru now i read your entries. I would like to apologise to other bloggers yang blog dia i lambat visit. I also nak apologise to myself for not visiting my own blog too. Abt hobbes...i know how u felt...i remember is it si arul kan?...i had the pleasure to know him too. Currently i got 7 cats and the oldest is TUN(in the pic with the boys...black and white). He is abt 18yrs. My last cat that died was Dayang. She dies at age 15 due to old age...and worst of all, she reminded me of my late mom. Its her fav cat. And Dayang died on my birthday...12 nov last year. I guess she wanted to be there for me for the last time...:(
Kak Za
October 1, 2006   08:02 AM PDT
 
Eh mana gambar bahagian lain yang dah painted? nak tengok juga persiapan raya Cik Rosma kita.
Scone tu macam creamy melt in your mouth gitu eh...I dont have blueberries lah, malas nak beli..but I have lots of apples! Today nak bikin apple cake!
Ann
October 1, 2006   12:26 AM PDT
 
Cute lah ur dotter!! And that blueberry scone, so yummy! Senang tak nak buat? Can teach me? hehehe...
bunkerangs
September 30, 2006   07:12 AM PDT
 
sri..haha..tulah time after i habis gunting rambut dia..the three of us looked at her and realised that she looked like dora habis. ni tengah nak tunggu rambut dia panjang balik. but rata2 she looks neater with short hair lah. insyallah, kalau ada rezeki dapat lah kiter jumpa next year eh. ingat2 nak sewa chalet..leh ler kiter camping..ni seme angan2 jer.

as for hobbes..tu lah..sedih jugak lagi..kadang termeleleh jugak air mata. sean and i can talk about it now. the first and second day tak terkata lah terasa betul kehilangan dia.

insyallah..nanti kalau i balik sana..kite experiment eh masak memasak ni seme :) hassan and husain apa kurang kiut neyr dorang. lemah lembut lagi..ketawa i pepagi ni bila ingat2 balik time you datang kat rumah my sil..hehehehe..and my daughters both are kinda rough..hahah. best jugaklah kat sini if they are like that. that way, can defend themselves :)
sri hirwati
September 30, 2006   03:24 AM PDT
 
She is all Dora!!...eeee,..meh aku cium cium..ciutt ciutt ciutt..gitulah kalo my sons cium i bunyi dia...meh sarah dora...cium lagikkk..haiii..tak sabao next may lah,...sungguh tinggi harapan..insyallah..takder aral utk u eh rosma n family masa tu eh...i doa2 jugak utk u all mai eh...kekeke...
I could feel how close u n the kids were with hobbes..it could take months to really sink in that one had gone...for good..nemer mind,..cont talk abt hobbes...hobbes deserved to be talked about wats more she was a good cat...
That scone looks so scrumptious..i thot that was a cheesecake..mebe i do not see scones too often here that's why...so that is scone...oh..u made nasi tomato, u used tomato puree or something else tomato...?..looks lighter but that ayam..alermekk..lemak cili ke tu?..mmm..2 hrs plus lagik..mmm..rosma..that blue is so gorgeous..sort of turqoise but not really...is that golden blue or sumthin u told me abt before?..lawa rosma...grt choice, grt job:))...

ps:Sarah Dora kerak ke apa ke...she is always adorable in any ways....ciutttt lagik dari aunty sri eh...ehee..
bunkerangs
September 29, 2006   11:34 PM PDT
 
alamak..berkerak seh muka si sarah..hahhaa. tapi takper lah..my own personal dora :)

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